Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
