Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
