New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
