Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
