opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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