Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
