you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?