I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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