Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?