tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.