If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating