opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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