I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mom said you looked used
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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