Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
