The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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