He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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