Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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