Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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