im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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