it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
