It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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