So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm too high and old for this...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
