Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
