textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
