he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
