I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
