ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
