Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
