I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
