she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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