So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
