PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
