i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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