If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would fuck him just for his dog
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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