Are we in a gay sports bar?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
