her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
