She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
