for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
