R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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