Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
