She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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