you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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