The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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