Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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