i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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