I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
