i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
