Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
