Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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