A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
