You're completely useless in the revolution.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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