His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
