I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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