i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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