I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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