every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
