Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize