he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
