we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
