i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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