Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
