Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
