I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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