We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize