I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
