you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
