I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
