Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize