I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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