I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
