I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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