What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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