He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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