I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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