Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
