We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
