What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
