fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My cat gives me a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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