How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
