To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
