i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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